Breck Carter
Last modified: October 25, 1996
mail to:

The fRiDaY File, for October 25

( Go back, forward )


Can you say "Happy Third Party Vendor?"


Open PowerPoint Version 7.0b.

Click on File

then Send to Genigraphics.

Who ARE these people,

that they can convince Mr. Bill to put

their company

only two mouse clicks away from millions of

PowerPoint users?

Lucky, Lucky, Lucky.



Danger Signs You're Addicted To The Net


You go to the bathroom at 3 AM

and check your email

on the way back to bed.


Your tattoo reads:

This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator.


Your kids are named

Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.


On a plane trip your laptop is

in your lap

and your child is in the

overhead compartment.


You stay in college for an extra year

for the free Internet access.


The last person you picked up was a



Your hard drive crashes,

you haven't logged in for three hours,

you pick up the phone and manually dial your

Internet service provider.

You hum to try to communicate with the modem.

And you succeed.



Do you know European?


Having chosen English as the preferred language in

the European Union (EU), the European Parliament

has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of

improving efficiency in communications among

government departments.


European officials have pointed out that English

spelling is unnecessarily difficult. For example:

cough, plough, here, hear, bow, bough, through and

thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased

program of changes to iron out these anomalies.

The program would be administered by a committee

of top-level staff chosen by the participating



In the first year, for example, the committee

might suggest using "s" instead of the soft "c".

Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would

resieve this news with joy. The hard "c" could

then by replased by "k" sinse both letters are

pronounsed alike. This would not only klear up

konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but

typewriters and keyboards kould be made with one

less letter, a signifikant savings.


In the second year, bekause of growing enthusiasm,

it kould be announsed that the troublesome "ph"

would henseforth be written "f". This would make

words like "fotograf" twenty persent shorter in



In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new

spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where

more komplikated shanges are possible.

Governments would enkourage the removal of double

letters which have always ben a deterent to

akurate speling.


We would al agre that the horible mes of silent

"e"'s in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor, we

kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ

as though nothing had hapend.


By this time it would be four years sins the skem

began and people would be reseptiv to steps sush

as replasing "th" by "z". Perhaps zen ze funktion

of "w" kould be taken on by "v", vitsh is,

after al, half a "w".


Finaly, ze unesesary "o" kuld be dropd from vords

kontaining "ou". Similar arguments vud of kors be

aplid to ozer konbinations of leters.


Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer, ve vud

eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten stil.


Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls

or difikultis and evrion vud fin it ezi tu

understan esh ozer.

Ze drems of ze EU vud finali kum tru.


Breck Carter can be reached by phone at (416) 763-5200 or via email at