Last modified: October 25, 1996
mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org
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Can you say "Happy Third Party Vendor?"
Open PowerPoint Version 7.0b.
Click on File
then Send to Genigraphics.
Who ARE these people,
that they can convince Mr. Bill to put
only two mouse clicks away from millions of
Lucky, Lucky, Lucky.
Danger Signs You're Addicted To The Net
You go to the bathroom at 3 AM
and check your email
on the way back to bed.
Your tattoo reads:
This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator.
Your kids are named
Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
On a plane trip your laptop is
in your lap
and your child is in the
You stay in college for an extra year
for the free Internet access.
The last person you picked up was a
Your hard drive crashes,
you haven't logged in for three hours,
you pick up the phone and manually dial your
Internet service provider.
You hum to try to communicate with the modem.
And you succeed.
Do you know European?
Having chosen English as the preferred language in
the European Union (EU), the European Parliament
has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of
improving efficiency in communications among
European officials have pointed out that English
spelling is unnecessarily difficult. For example:
cough, plough, here, hear, bow, bough, through and
thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased
program of changes to iron out these anomalies.
The program would be administered by a committee
of top-level staff chosen by the participating
In the first year, for example, the committee
might suggest using "s" instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
resieve this news with joy. The hard "c" could
then by replased by "k" sinse both letters are
pronounsed alike. This would not only klear up
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but
typewriters and keyboards kould be made with one
less letter, a signifikant savings.
In the second year, bekause of growing enthusiasm,
it kould be announsed that the troublesome "ph"
would henseforth be written "f". This would make
words like "fotograf" twenty persent shorter in
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where
more komplikated shanges are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always ben a deterent to
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent
"e"'s in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor, we
kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ
as though nothing had hapend.
By this time it would be four years sins the skem
began and people would be reseptiv to steps sush
as replasing "th" by "z". Perhaps zen ze funktion
of "w" kould be taken on by "v", vitsh is,
after al, half a "w".
Finaly, ze unesesary "o" kuld be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou". Similar arguments vud of kors be
aplid to ozer konbinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer, ve vud
eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten stil.
Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls
or difikultis and evrion vud fin it ezi tu
understan esh ozer.
Ze drems of ze EU vud finali kum tru.