Last modified: July 26, 1996
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Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere,
you've been kicked in the head like this
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person,
but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy
- in a jar on my desk."
-- Steven King
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless,
ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
Photons have mass? I didn't know they were
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper
to you because someone has printed
all over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University
ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared
for the occasional division by zero.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill
the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people
in the office.
Save the whales. Collect a whole set.
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.
It should be thrown with great force."
-- Dorothy Parker
To err is human, to moo bovine.
Save Bosnian Serbs! Win Valuable Prizes!
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3,
not even for very large values of 2.
ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley:
LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
"... one of the main causes of the fall of the
Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way
to indicate successful termination of their
-- Robert Firth