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Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you need. Please stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the voices will tell you what number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are on the Internet, the above message has already been sent to you. Repeatedly.