Last modified: November 22, 1996
mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org
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A marketing pitch masquerading as
Juice A Brick
To recharge the big, heavy NiCad batteries
used in portable video cameras.
"You better start juicing those bricks,
we've got a long shoot tomorrow."
When a store's electronic scanner
prices an item higher
than the price on the store's shelf or
in an advertisement.
Squirt The Bird
To transmit a signal up to a satellite.
"Crew and talent are ready.
What time do we squirt the bird?"
Midair Passenger Exchange
Air-traffic-controller speak for a
Midair passenger exchanges are
immediately followed by
Geek euphemism for having sex.
"I went to the Oracle party the other
night hoping for some client-server action."
Just What Was Said,
in their $99 promotional material for Visual J++:
Visual J++ product
undoubtedly will be
the de facto standard
for Java developers
- William Blundon
JavaWorld, August, 1996
Here that quote again, but this time
"Microsoft: Adopt It, Adapt It, Own It And Then Kill It
Microsoft clearly agrees with
'Keep your friends close,' said the Godfather,
'but your enemies closer.'
Microsoft is an active but reticent adherent
to the Java religion.
Its Visual J++ product undoubtedly will be the
de facto standard
for Java developers on Windows, and
will provide a healthy revenue stream for the company.
However, making a little money on Java
is not Microsoft's intent.
The smart move is for Microsoft to adopt Java
while it must,
and attempt to own the language over time.
If Microsoft ends up owning Java,
- What can kill Java? by William Blundon,
JavaWorld, August 1996
How the media would handle the
end of the world:
Wall Street Journal
DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
O.J. AND NICOLE TOGETHER AGAIN
10 WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
DEATH AND DAMNATION:
NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
Microsoft Systems Journal
APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
Microsoft Web Site
IF YOU DON'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE
DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE
SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN.
TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
OUR FINAL SALE
GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
Ladies Home Journal
LOSE 10 POUNDS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH
OUR NEW ARMAGEDDON DIET!
THE LAST NEW THING
Just What Was Said,
on the future applicability of Java:
"One can use Java within Netscape ONE,
one can use it without Netscape's interfaces,
and one can use it in equally well in the
- William Blundon,
JavaWorld, October 1996
News From The Internationalization Front
Matsushita Electric is promoting a new
Japanese PC targeted at the Internet.
Panasonic has developed a complete Japanese
and to make the system "user-friendly",
licensed the cartoon character
as the "Internet guide."
Panasonic eventually planned on a
world version of the product.
A huge marketing campaign was to
have introduced the product in Japan
The day before the ads were to be released,
Panasonic suddenly pulled back and
delayed the product launch
The reason: the ads featured the slogan
"Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker."
An American staff member at the internal
product launch explained to the stunned
and embarrassed Japanese what
meant in American slang.