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Word Watch: Marketecture A marketing pitch masquerading as architecture. Juice A Brick To recharge the big, heavy NiCad batteries used in portable video cameras. "You better start juicing those bricks, we've got a long shoot tomorrow." Shopper-Lifting When a store's electronic scanner prices an item higher than the price on the store's shelf or in an advertisement. Squirt The Bird To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready. What time do we squirt the bird?" Midair Passenger Exchange Air-traffic-controller speak for a head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are immediately followed by "aluminum rain." Client-Server Action Geek euphemism for having sex. "I went to the Oracle party the other night hoping for some client-server action." Just What Was Said, by Microsoft, in their $99 promotional material for Visual J++: "(Microsoft's) Visual J++ product undoubtedly will be the de facto standard for Java developers on Windows." - William Blundon JavaWorld, August, 1996 www.javaworld.com Here that quote again, but this time IN CONTEXT: "Microsoft: Adopt It, Adapt It, Own It And Then Kill It Microsoft clearly agrees with Don Corleone. 'Keep your friends close,' said the Godfather, 'but your enemies closer.' Microsoft is an active but reticent adherent to the Java religion. Its Visual J++ product undoubtedly will be the de facto standard for Java developers on Windows, and will provide a healthy revenue stream for the company. However, making a little money on Java is not Microsoft's intent. The smart move is for Microsoft to adopt Java while it must, and attempt to own the language over time. ... If Microsoft ends up owning Java, watch out." - What can kill Java? by William Blundon, JavaWorld, August 1996 http://www.javaworld.com/javaworld/jw-08-1996/jw-08-blundon.html How the media would handle the end of the world: USA Today WE'RE DEAD Wall Street Journal DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer O.J. AND NICOLE TOGETHER AGAIN Inc. Magazine 10 WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE Rolling Stone THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR Sports Illustrated GAME OVER TV Guide DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR! Microsoft Systems Journal APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Microsoft Web Site IF YOU DON'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE America OnLine SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. Victoria's Secret OUR FINAL SALE Reader's Digest: 'BYE Playboy GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE Ladies Home Journal LOSE 10 POUNDS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW ARMAGEDDON DIET! Wired THE LAST NEW THING Just What Was Said, on the future applicability of Java: "One can use Java within Netscape ONE, one can use it without Netscape's interfaces, and one can use it in equally well in the Microsoft world. - William Blundon, JavaWorld, October 1996 http://www.javaworld.com/javaworld/jw-10-1996/jw-10-blundon.html News From The Internationalization Front Matsushita Electric is promoting a new Japanese PC targeted at the Internet. Panasonic has developed a complete Japanese web browser, and to make the system "user-friendly", licensed the cartoon character "Woody Woodpecker" as the "Internet guide." Panasonic eventually planned on a world version of the product. A huge marketing campaign was to have introduced the product in Japan last week. The day before the ads were to be released, Panasonic suddenly pulled back and delayed the product launch indefinitely. The reason: the ads featured the slogan "Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker." An American staff member at the internal product launch explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what "touch woody" and "pecker" meant in American slang.