Breck Carter
Last modified: November 22, 1996
mail to: bcarter@bcarter.com


The fRiDaY File, for November 22

( Go back to November 15,
forward to November 29. )

 

Word Watch:

Marketecture

A marketing pitch masquerading as

architecture.

 

Juice A Brick

To recharge the big, heavy NiCad batteries

used in portable video cameras.

"You better start juicing those bricks,

we've got a long shoot tomorrow."

 

Shopper-Lifting

When a store's electronic scanner

prices an item higher

than the price on the store's shelf or

in an advertisement.

 

Squirt The Bird

To transmit a signal up to a satellite.

"Crew and talent are ready.

What time do we squirt the bird?"

 

Midair Passenger Exchange

Air-traffic-controller speak for a

head-on collision.

Midair passenger exchanges are

immediately followed by

"aluminum rain."

 

Client-Server Action

Geek euphemism for having sex.

"I went to the Oracle party the other

night hoping for some client-server action."

 

 

Just What Was Said,

by Microsoft,

in their $99 promotional material for Visual J++:

"(Microsoft's)

Visual J++ product

undoubtedly will be

the de facto standard

for Java developers

on Windows."

- William Blundon

JavaWorld, August, 1996

www.javaworld.com

 

Here that quote again, but this time

IN CONTEXT:

"Microsoft: Adopt It, Adapt It, Own It And Then Kill It

Microsoft clearly agrees with

Don Corleone.

'Keep your friends close,' said the Godfather,

'but your enemies closer.'

Microsoft is an active but reticent adherent

to the Java religion.

Its Visual J++ product undoubtedly will be the

de facto standard

for Java developers on Windows, and

will provide a healthy revenue stream for the company.

However, making a little money on Java

is not Microsoft's intent.

The smart move is for Microsoft to adopt Java

while it must,

and attempt to own the language over time.

...

If Microsoft ends up owning Java,

watch out."

- What can kill Java? by William Blundon,

JavaWorld, August 1996

http://www.javaworld.com/javaworld/jw-08-1996/jw-08-blundon.html

 

 

How the media would handle the

end of the world:

 

USA Today

WE'RE DEAD

 

Wall Street Journal

DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

 

National Enquirer

O.J. AND NICOLE TOGETHER AGAIN

 

Inc. Magazine

10 WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

 

Rolling Stone

THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

 

Sports Illustrated

GAME OVER

 

TV Guide

DEATH AND DAMNATION:

NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

 

Microsoft Systems Journal

APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

 

Microsoft Web Site

IF YOU DON'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE

DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE

 

America OnLine

SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN.

TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

 

Victoria's Secret

OUR FINAL SALE

 

Reader's Digest:

'BYE

 

Playboy

GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

 

Ladies Home Journal

LOSE 10 POUNDS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH

OUR NEW ARMAGEDDON DIET!

 

Wired

THE LAST NEW THING

 

 

Just What Was Said,

on the future applicability of Java:

"One can use Java within Netscape ONE,

one can use it without Netscape's interfaces,

and one can use it in equally well in the

Microsoft world.

- William Blundon,

JavaWorld, October 1996

http://www.javaworld.com/javaworld/jw-10-1996/jw-10-blundon.html

 

 

News From The Internationalization Front

 

Matsushita Electric is promoting a new

Japanese PC targeted at the Internet.

Panasonic has developed a complete Japanese

web browser,

and to make the system "user-friendly",

licensed the cartoon character

"Woody Woodpecker"

as the "Internet guide."

Panasonic eventually planned on a

world version of the product.

 

A huge marketing campaign was to

have introduced the product in Japan

last week.

The day before the ads were to be released,

Panasonic suddenly pulled back and

delayed the product launch

indefinitely.

 

The reason: the ads featured the slogan

"Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker."

 

An American staff member at the internal

product launch explained to the stunned

and embarrassed Japanese what

"touch woody"

and

"pecker"

meant in American slang.

 


Breck Carter can be reached by phone at (416) 763-5200 or via email at bcarter@bcarter.com.