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You may have heard these terms used quite frequently but do you know what they REALLY mean? ISDN It Still Does Nothing APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity IBM I Blame Microsoft DEC Do Expect Cuts CA Constant Acquisitions CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too SCSI System Can't See It DOS Defunct Operating System BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control WWW World Wide Wait Maybe you've heard THESE terms, maybe not... Dilberted To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." Link Rot The process by which links on a web page become obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die. Chip Jewelry A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE and now it's nothing but chip jewelry." Crapplet A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!" Plug-and-Play A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play." CGI Joe A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure. Dorito Syndrome Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome." Under Mouse Arrest Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest." Glazing Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?" 404 Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404 URL Not Found" meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be located. "Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man." Dead Tree Edition The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..." Egosurfing Scanning the net, databases, print media or research papers looking for the mention of your name. Graybar Land The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering." Open-Collar Workers People who work at home or telecommute. Squirt The Bird To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready... what time do we squirt the bird?" Brain Fart A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations. Cobweb Site A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page. It's a Feature From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over. Keyboard Plaque The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque." Career-Limiting Move (CLM) Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. Elvis Year The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993." Alpha Geek The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here." Adminisphere The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. Tourists People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class. The rest were tourists." Blowing Your Buffer Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my buffer!" Gray Matter Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established. Bookmark To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph." Nyetscape Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser. Beepilepsy The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence. Salmon Day The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.