Last modified: November 15, 1996
mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org
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You may have heard these terms used
but do you know what they
It Still Does Nothing
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
I Blame Microsoft
Do Expect Cuts
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
Obsolete Soon, Too
System Can't See It
Defunct Operating System
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
World Wide Wait
Maybe you've heard THESE terms, maybe not...
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.
Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the
geek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been dilberted again.
The old man revised the specs for the fourth
time this week."
The process by which links on a web page become
obsolete as the sites they're connected to change
location or die.
A euphemism for old computers destined to be
scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments.
"I paid three grand for that Mac SE and now it's
nothing but chip jewelry."
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet.
"I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin'
A new hire who doesn't need any training.
"The new guy, John, is great.
He's totally plug-and-play."
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the
social skills and charisma of a plastic action
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction
triggered by addictive substances that lack
nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of
Under Mouse Arrest
Getting busted for violating an online service's
rule of conduct.
"Sorry I couldn't get back to you.
AOL put me under mouse arrest."
Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open.
A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning
meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was
glazing by the second session?"
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web
message "404 URL Not Found" meaning that the
document you've tried to access can't be located.
"Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man."
Dead Tree Edition
The paper version of a publication available in
both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead
tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
Scanning the net, databases, print media or
research papers looking for the mention of your
The place you go while you're staring at a
computer that's processing something very slowly
(while you watch the gray bar creep across the
screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed
like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."
People who work at home or telecommute.
Squirt The Bird
To transmit a signal up to a satellite.
"Crew and talent are ready...
what time do we squirt the bird?"
A biproduct of a bloated mind producing
information effortlessly. A burst of useful
information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft
story, but can you give us a brain fart on the
Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that
had more negative connotations.
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for
a long time. A dead web page.
It's a Feature
From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant
experience that you wish to gloss over.
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on
computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals
I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard
Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised
activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is
within earshot is a serious CLM.
The peak year of something's popularity.
"Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."
The most knowledgable, technically proficient
person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry,
he's the alpha geek around here."
The rarified organizational layers beginning just
above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from
the adminisphere are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they
were designed to solve.
People who are taking training classes just to get
a vacation from their jobs.
"We had about three serious students in the class.
The rest were tourists."
Blowing Your Buffer
Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the
person you are speaking with won't let you get a
word in edgewise or has just said something so
astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn,
I just blew my buffer!"
Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more
reputable and established.
To take note of a person for future reference (a
metaphor borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked
him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."
Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when
their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode.
Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial
expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed in the end.