Last modified: April 11, 1997
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The fRiDaY File,
for April 11
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
and give the wrong answers. - A Bit of Fry and Laurie
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the
unfit, to do the unnecessary. - Richard Harkness,
The New York Times, 1960
Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all
the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."
With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three
thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules
and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there
is no such thing as progress. - Ransom K. Ferm
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to
pound in the correct screw.
The Science graduate asks, "Why does it work?"
The Engineer asks, "How does it work?"
The Accounting graduate asks, "How much will it cost?"
The Liberal Arts grad asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had
years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make
some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
- Dave Barry
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices. - William James
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes
hurtling down the highway. - Andrew Tannenbaum
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in
- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate
Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your
triumphs or how tragic your defeats - approximately one billion
Chinese couldn't care less.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather
straps. - Emo Phillips
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a
mistake when you make it again. - F. P. Jones
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn
from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their
apparent disinclination to do so.
- Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See"
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not
important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying
me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so.
- Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist,
a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God
of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't
believe?" - Quentin Crisp
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two
nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary
rights of another. - Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
revolution inevitable. - John F. Kennedy
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict,
Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease".
Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace
your principles or your mistress."
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow
but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson
The most important thing in the programming language is the name.
A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently
invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable
language. - D. E. Knuth, 1967
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's
left of your unit. - In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS
magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average
(mean) number of legs. - E. Grebenik
Don't worry about temptation-as you grow older, it starts avoiding
you. - Old Farmer's Almanac
G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air
and scatter oneself over a wide area."
- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone
wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than
- Charlie Brown, "Peanuts" [Charles Schulz]
The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
- Salvador Dali
What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant
intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average
adult. - Sigmund Freud
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,
but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson
Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain
"Time's fun when you're having flies." - Kermit the Frog